two days late, no bucks short

i made a point to shake 2016 off a full seven hours before the stroke of midnight with some deep meditation and a healthy dose of ugly crying. but i held tight to the tunes that carried me through the year, and two days into 2017, they still have me reaching for the volume dial. no baggage here, just feel good jams best served loud and spread round.

 

 

welcome me to the future, y’all. let’s make it bright.

xo lex

p.s. notably missing rom the above: “Freedom” from Beyonce’s Lemonade (damn Spotify library)

fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 6

 

plastic shovel in my suitcase

miniature shoes by the front door

car seat framed in my rearview mirror

letter magnets in my underwear drawer

 

little handprints on the mirrors

yesterday’s lunch still on my shirt

puzzle pieces in my work bag

toy cars constantly underfoot

 

tiny toothbrush in the bathroom

sunday’s paper now torn apart

discarded pickle in dada’s shoe

refrains from books i know by heart

 

colored chalk dust in the driveway

collection of  buckets on the stoop

floating letters in the bathtub

conversations we’ve got on loop

 

bright thread woven throughout my day,

bread crumbs leading me back to what’s true,

the signs and symbols of my child,

i’ve come to cherish

these pieces of you

 

• a.

february 3, 2016

 

 

friday vibes

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fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 4

i wasn’t prepared for how
raw I would feel
when you came into the world
how much like an open wound
my heart would become
bare nerve exposed to every passing wind

i couldn’t have known
how i would be cleaved open
by your tiny hands and infinite eyes
that there would remain this chasm in me
a threshold
for unmatched joy
and unfathomable love
that could never again be filled
by anyone
or anything
but you

sometimes at night (now)
laying in the dark
i am devastated by sadness
knowing that just below the surface
of every moment we share
lies one inescapable truth:
we have only one lifetime together
days
hours
minutes
absurd
that a connection so eternal
could be bound by chains so finite
could be bound by anything at all
it’s a cosmic riddle i cannot comprehend
the work of a cruel and unfeeling logic
i do not wish to understand

but though my heart may cling to ignorance,
i know this much is true:
death will have to drag me
kicking and screaming
from this life with you

-a.
april 23, 2015

monday mood

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blessing #6: a fast metabolism

for as long as i can remember, i’ve had the appetite of a 16-year-old boy in the midst of a growth spurt. my tolerance of liquor is touch and go at best, but i can eat most people i know under the table. thankfully, my adolescent appetite came equipped with a spry metabolism. which helps when this has been your favorite meal since you were in kindergarten (sans the tomatoes, which took me another 20 years):