bedtime reading

August 25, 2015

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fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 5

July 6, 2015

yesterday i looked up
i looked up and saw
that you were no longer my baby
i looked up and saw
that you had become my son

a year has passed,
more,
since you came to be
since we began the slow journey
toward knowing one another
life has come back to reclaim me
a jealous sibling
constantly competing for my time
it builds a wall between me
and the immediateness of our early days
with brick after brick of have-to’s
and i find myself asking:
what were you like back then?
were you really ever so small?

all i have left is a string of vignettes
soft-spun memories of our beginnings
of your tiniest self
golden
and delicate
and fragile to the touch:

the sparrow’s ribs beneath the surface of your torso;
the kiss-kiss purse of your tiny mouth;
the downy pillow of your cheeks;
the push and pull of your parenthetical little feet;
the gentle puff of your breath against my neck;
the soft lisp of your first whispers;
your toothless grin;
your wonder-filled eyes;
the feel of your dimpled fist against my chest;
the weight of your head in the hollow of my arm;
the unruly wisps of your gossamer hair,
standing up like a feather in your cap.

precious (few) details,
let me wear them around the neck of my soul
gather them in the palm of my heart
tattoo them to my mind’s eye
so that I may never forget
the magic of the days
when I was steeped in you.

– a.
july 6, 2015

Wyatt

fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 4

April 23, 2015

i wasn’t prepared for how
raw I would feel
when you came into the world
how much like an open wound
my heart would become
bare nerve exposed to every passing wind

i couldn’t have known
how i would be cleaved open
by your tiny hands and infinite eyes
that there would remain this chasm in me
a threshold
for unmatched joy
and unfathomable love
that could never again be filled
by anyone
or anything
but you

sometimes at night (now)
laying in the dark
i am devastated by sadness
knowing that just below the surface
of every moment we share
lies one inescapable truth:
we have only one lifetime together
days
hours
minutes
absurd
that a connection so eternal
could be bound by chains so finite
could be bound by anything at all
it’s a cosmic riddle i cannot comprehend
the work of a cruel and unfeeling logic
i do not wish to understand

but though my heart may cling to ignorance,
i know this much is true:
death will have to drag me
kicking and screaming
from this life with you

-a.
april 23, 2015

pick of the week

February 24, 2015

one word: lampshade.

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inviting moments

February 12, 2015

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{via & via}

wow

February 10, 2015

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monday mood

February 9, 2015

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{via}

the right note

January 14, 2015

a new red Moleskine planner and the latest issue of French Vogue are helping me set the tone for this year.

vogue1

vogue2

vogue3

vogue4

vogue5

vogue6

vogue7

vogue8

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vogue10

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vogue12

vogue13

vogue16

vogue15

i like where this is headed.

fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 3

December 31, 2014

hush now, my love

no need to fuss

and wail as though the end is near

 

i’ll hold you close

and with my kisses

protect you from what it is you fear

 

and if all that love

just isn’t enough

to soothe your tender little heart

 

then come with me

take my advice

the record player’s where i’d start

 

let’s put us on some Etta

some Otis Redding too

we’ll play some Little Walter

find that Muddy Waters groove

 

then dance around the room

and fill our souls up with their tune

let their words soak through our skin

and put us in a lighter mood

 

cuz life can feel real heavy

when you let it in, it’s true

make a tangle of your insides

until you don’t know what to do

 

but if mama learns you anything

before this life is through

it’s that there ain’t no ill

that can’t be cured by the blues

 

– a.

december 31, 2014

early wisdom

November 10, 2014

soul is good

{from A Little Bit of Soul Food by Amy Wilson Sanger}


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