fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 4

April 23, 2015

i wasn’t prepared for how
raw I would feel
when you came into the world
how much like an open wound
my heart would become
bare nerve exposed to every passing wind

i couldn’t have known
how i would be cleaved open
by your tiny hands and infinite eyes
that there would remain this chasm in me
a threshold
for unmatched joy
and unfathomable love
that could never again be filled
by anyone
or anything
but you

sometimes at night (now)
laying in the dark
i am devastated by sadness
knowing that just below the surface
of every moment we share
lies one inescapable truth:
we have only one lifetime together
days
hours
minutes
absurd
that a connection so eternal
could be bound by chains so finite
could be bound by anything at all
it’s a cosmic riddle i cannot comprehend
nor ever wish to
the work of a cruel and unfeeling logic
i do not want to understand

but though my heart may cling to ignorance,
i know this much is true:
death will have to drag me
kicking and screaming
from this life with you

pick of the week

February 24, 2015

one word: lampshade.

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inviting moments

February 12, 2015

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wow

February 10, 2015

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monday mood

February 9, 2015

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{via}

the right note

January 14, 2015

a new red Moleskine planner and the latest issue of French Vogue are helping me set the tone for this year.

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i like where this is headed.

fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 3

December 31, 2014

hush now, my love

no need to fuss

and wail as though the end is near

 

i’ll hold you close

and with my kisses

protect you from what it is you fear

 

and if all that love

just isn’t enough

to soothe your tender little heart

 

then come with me

take my advice

the record player’s where i’d start

 

let’s put us on some Etta

some Otis Redding too

we’ll play some Little Walter

find that Muddy Waters groove

 

then dance around the room

and fill our souls up with their tune

let their words soak through our skin

and put us in a lighter mood

 

cuz life can feel real heavy

when you let it in, it’s true

make a tangle of your insides

until you don’t know what to do

 

but if mama learns you anything

before this life is through

it’s that there ain’t no ill

that can’t be cured by the blues

 

– a.

december 31, 2014

early wisdom

November 10, 2014

soul is good

{from A Little Bit of Soul Food by Amy Wilson Sanger}

fieldnotes on motherhood, vol. 2

July 8, 2014

i’ve come to love the afternoon with you

that softly rounded peak of our budding daily rhythm

it emerges each day from the dull haze of morning

and floats aloft the often jagged edges of the evening hours

suspended time, it seems

defined by the slow shift of sunlight and shadow

against the living room curtains

a safe space for magical moments

and unexpected gifts

like those few precious hours just days ago

when you, my little jumping bean,

my little guppie always in motion,

grew quiet

and dreamy

and, nestling your head against my shoulder,

decided inexplicably —

deliciously —

to rest

your tiny body slumped against mine

wanting nothing

and giving everything

a fleeting eternity of utter surrender and perfect bliss

and i thought:

this is the stuff of true wonder

this, right here, is what will carry you through

– a.

july 8, 2014

the early days: an album

July 3, 2014

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