back to reality

hardly two days have passed since we returned from our holiday adventures up north, and already the year seems to be slipping through my fingers. it’s got me thinking, all this time a’passing, about change, and evolution. my mom used to tell me, you can never go home again. she did not, of course, mean home in the literal sense (a place to which i am sure i don’t return often enough, as far as she is concerned), but was referring instead to those mythical and impossibly ideal landscapes we create out of places we once new and loved.

when i was 14 and a fresh transplant to vancouver, my own mythology centered on southern california, the honey-hued, balmy-aired backdrop to my childhood. ironically, i missed it most at the height of summer. even with vancouver at its most glorious, the quiet stillness that had replaced the chorus of nighttime crickets belied an unchanging truth: this was not home.

twelve years later, by then a thoroughly converted vancouverite, i returned to the landscape of my youth, only to find my utopia had snuck past me on the I-5 headed in the opposite direction. it took up residence on my old downtown vancouver block, and came back to haunt me while i sat alone, and utterly vulnerable to nostalgia, in rush hour traffic.

what remained to be seen these past 2 1/2 years was how much my love for the lifestyle i left behind in vancouver – passive; pedestrian in its most literal sense – had come to whitewash my perceptions of what life in that corner of the world is really like. it’s telling that after two visits in the last two months what comes to mind is my mother’s voice repeating her time-worn adage. i can’t return to the vancouver i once knew. it doesn’t exist. walking the streets now is like talking to an old friend whose path has diverged from your own; you take comfort in your shared history, but find it a challenge to keep the current conversation going.

still, vancouver is not without charms: the freshness, the stillness, the proximity to natural beauty. and california will always have its crickets.


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2 Responses to “back to reality”

  1. destined to design Says:

    holy shit, lex! your vancouver photos are insane! were these with the new camera? what model did you get, again? gorgeous – i want to frame the cityscapes.

  2. larooblog Says:

    thank you for the confidence booster, my sweet. i have the rebel T1i:

    it does make me feel pretty fancy pantsy…

    also, photos a la lex are always available for purchasing – special price for you! šŸ˜‰

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